Highlander Assault was absolutely terrific! I recently took on Highlander Assault and found myself leaving at the end of the racing wondering how they will top it in 2019. It was the perfect day for racing. The production of this race was off the charts fantastic. I weep tears of joy as I give a standing ovation to the production crew.
Highlander Assault really does offer an exquisite a la carte of agony. Pick your level of misery that ranges from a four-mile course, an eight-miler, a twelve-miler, or if you are a masochist, by all means, embrace an entire twenty-four-miles of struggling for yourself. I love knowing that I have options, and an operating nervous system that tells me when I am in pain or not.
Terrain
Wonderfully horrific. The relentless rain had made the course a sopping mess, which is exactly how obstacle races need to be. I felt like I was running the high-knee drill for at least six of the twelve miles because my feet were either completely sinking in the most charcoal colored black brownie mix quality mud, or long trampled prairie grass that seemed to be suspended in possibly eight inches of water. My running mechanics turned more into a hopping motion to try to give myself enough elevation to step further than a foot or two.
Obstacles
Most of these obstacles deserve to be installed into the Chicago museum of fine art just so everyone can take a moment and admire them for all of their engineering glory and pure punishing beauty. The cassoulet of madness was exquisitely blended with perfect portions of joy and pain. The conditions of the technical terrain would drain the energy from your soul like Shang Tsung from Mortal Kombat, so the damp rig grips would require that little extra bit of effort to squeeze through to the finish line. And as much as I love to physically wear my system to puree I am finding it hard to accurately describe the authentic jubilation of enjoyment I had sliding down the colossal slip-n-slide.
Grip
It doesn’t take a chimpanzee to complete this race flawlessly, but it wouldn’t hurt either. Hands of steel were definitely a big factor just before the end of the race at the last rig when everyone was completely wiped out of energy. I saw a lot of people wave the surrender flag because it was just too tempting to quit that last bazaar combo of hand grips, chunky slanted wooden bar, and swinging tire. It was definitely a doozy for a final rig. But the one I had the most trouble on was Strong As Oak’s torture device known as Devil’s Crossing. I slipped on my first try, and nailed it the second, because the best part about mandatory completion is that everyone gets to try again and again.
Lifting
I would rank this a John Snow lifting capability on the scale of The Mountain and Tyrion Lannister. I really liked dragging the atlas stone attached to the sledge hammer handles, but my favorite carry was trying to carry the huge wooden log vertically without having it tip one direction or the other. It really took a great deal of concentration to carry that beast the entire way.
Food
When Whitney Houston sang “I will always love you” she wasn’t referring to Bobby Brown. She was thinking about the amazing catering that Highlander Assault would have in 2017 and 2018. I had a burger piled with a handful of pickles, and then held a funeral for it immediately after I killed it because I was so sad that it was gone.
Overall Rating (5 tartans out of 5)
It doesn’t seem believable that this was only the second event that this race venue has been in production. The crew for Highlander Assault makes creating an obstacle race look simple. But how could putting together an obstacle race possibly be simple when the weather has been raining for an entire week, and the area is swarming with mosquitos the size of locusts? The photography crew is phenomenal, and the photos were posted almost instantly. I dub Highlander Assault an unavoidable OCR race. Get September 21st 2019 on your calendar immediately, and be sure to take advantage of their early bird registration!
Rating: 5/5
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1. That was hilarious.
2. I immediately looked up the directions to the race and am debating the 9+ hour drive.
3. Valar Morghulis
Oh but you know that is one of the best benefits of living in the Chiwaukee area. There are so many different OCR races being held nearby almost all year around.
She was my first. She is my love. I will see you again in September, as I have trudged the four and needed more. I will be elite when the bell tolls in September. I will conquer and down a pint to those who have fallen. Until I die this course will be my spirit. Who will meet me there on the muddy grounds of the Highlander Assault!
The children’s course was also a big hit. The kids really got into it going through it repeatedly with Spartan Santa and Mrs Claus helping out.